What do you get for a thumping 4-0 away win on Saturday?
If you're Alan Pardew, you get the sack this morning.
As "The Club" helpfully clarified:
"The club has decided that, to achieve its well known targets, it is essential to make changes to the management," said a Southampton statement.
"We recognise that frequent changes to the football management are unlikely to assist in the winning of trophies and promotions.
However, we are taking these steps to achieve our aims, which we share with all supporters, to get promoted this season, and secure long term stability and progress for our football operations."
So, frequent changes don't help, so let's sack the manager now and get it out of the way early doors.
Funny old game.
Matchday 3 - Derby at the Ricoh
12.15 on a Saturday is never a good time to be playing football - it's just too early. Everyone's favourite pantomime villain came to play, and as usual, Robbie Savage didn't disappoint.
In front of a tiny crowd (recession, what recession? It was never like this under Labour), and live and exclusive on Sky Sports, Aidy's hotshots huffed, puffed and generally disappointed for 90 minutes. The Chef won a good penalty, which Scrabble thumped home, before Derby's makeshift centre forward scored while unmarked. Plattini came on and got stuck in to good effect, missing by inches. Vivienne clawed a certain goal out in one of his trademark "how did he save that" moments. Then Ten Burners got on the end of the King of the Centre Circle's deep cross, and the points were ours.
Top of the table briefly, then back to 4th.
Still not convincing, but it does take time for the team to gel, and they haven't as yet.
Lion's Den next up, with at least three of us braving the slums of South East London.
In front of a tiny crowd (recession, what recession? It was never like this under Labour), and live and exclusive on Sky Sports, Aidy's hotshots huffed, puffed and generally disappointed for 90 minutes. The Chef won a good penalty, which Scrabble thumped home, before Derby's makeshift centre forward scored while unmarked. Plattini came on and got stuck in to good effect, missing by inches. Vivienne clawed a certain goal out in one of his trademark "how did he save that" moments. Then Ten Burners got on the end of the King of the Centre Circle's deep cross, and the points were ours.
Top of the table briefly, then back to 4th.
Still not convincing, but it does take time for the team to gel, and they haven't as yet.
Lion's Den next up, with at least three of us braving the slums of South East London.
WAG Watch
Charlie is getting to know the other players’ wives and she’s in the process of getting a job.
She used to be in the cabin crew for Thomas Cook but had to give that up when I got my move to Carlisle.
She works in cosmetics now – she’s a really good make-up artist – and, touch wood, she could be starting work this week.
Matchday 2 - Watford Away
It's just a grim place. Even the 'Arry Krishnas were struggling to be cheerful in a wet Watford on Saturday. SBJ, H, G2, yours truly and Tim who needs a nickname, made the short journey up from London to watch Aidy's return to one of the worst stadiums we go to over the season. After finding each other (we need an app for that) in Mangans, we coughed up the £27 for a seat in a stand without a bar.
No Vivienne from the start, due a family bereavement. A fact which caused much confusion in a witty exchange of banter with the old lady in the row in front. Apparently Vivenne lives in Meridan, as she knows his milkman, and that's why he's not going to Celtic. Or something like that. So, a new goalkeeper, take a bow Iain Turner.
15 minutes into his one and only start for the skyblues, a bleeding, concussed, and very bewildered Turner was led off the pitch (see photo below). Take a bow Pauline Quirke, making his debut at the tender age of 18. And tender height of 5 foot 8. A warm reception from the travelling faithful was rewarded with a tip top save early one. This was then followed by a hashed clearance, and then a random wander towards a cross, leaving a simple header for the opening goal.
Not much going on up front at this point, Chef looked off the pace still, Freddy wasn't that mobile and Scrabble wasn't getting the right service.
Half time came and went. Then Eustace popped in an overhead kick from 15 yards. Not really much Pauline could have done about it, but we were looking dead and buried. Like most of the people we saw on Watford High Street earlier on.
60 minutes gone, Freddy and Chef are replaced by Plattini and Gunner. At last, some energy, some fight and a bit of threat. It surprised us. And surprised the referee more, who went off injured in sympathy.
88 minutes gone, the faithful were starting to drift away, presumably to beat the traffic as everyone in Watford realised there must be more to life and made their escape. Then Tinker picks up the ball, not literally, and lashes it past Englands third choice keeper. Dare we believe? Kick off, followed by a corner. Plattini complains to the ref about being held by a Hornet. Then the Giraffe takes a tumble, and Scrabble has the chance to put away a penalty.
We don't score last minute penalties though, do we. Or do we? Scrabble pops it in to the corner, and we're now looking for an injury time winner. Tinker goes close with a shot that's tipped over the bar, but we play out the 7 minutes of injury time, and finish with a point. Though it did feel like a win.
Revolution beckoned, blue drinks flowed, and Watford celebrated like only Watford can. Somewhere else.....
No Vivienne from the start, due a family bereavement. A fact which caused much confusion in a witty exchange of banter with the old lady in the row in front. Apparently Vivenne lives in Meridan, as she knows his milkman, and that's why he's not going to Celtic. Or something like that. So, a new goalkeeper, take a bow Iain Turner.
15 minutes into his one and only start for the skyblues, a bleeding, concussed, and very bewildered Turner was led off the pitch (see photo below). Take a bow Pauline Quirke, making his debut at the tender age of 18. And tender height of 5 foot 8. A warm reception from the travelling faithful was rewarded with a tip top save early one. This was then followed by a hashed clearance, and then a random wander towards a cross, leaving a simple header for the opening goal.
Not much going on up front at this point, Chef looked off the pace still, Freddy wasn't that mobile and Scrabble wasn't getting the right service.
Half time came and went. Then Eustace popped in an overhead kick from 15 yards. Not really much Pauline could have done about it, but we were looking dead and buried. Like most of the people we saw on Watford High Street earlier on.
60 minutes gone, Freddy and Chef are replaced by Plattini and Gunner. At last, some energy, some fight and a bit of threat. It surprised us. And surprised the referee more, who went off injured in sympathy.
88 minutes gone, the faithful were starting to drift away, presumably to beat the traffic as everyone in Watford realised there must be more to life and made their escape. Then Tinker picks up the ball, not literally, and lashes it past Englands third choice keeper. Dare we believe? Kick off, followed by a corner. Plattini complains to the ref about being held by a Hornet. Then the Giraffe takes a tumble, and Scrabble has the chance to put away a penalty.
We don't score last minute penalties though, do we. Or do we? Scrabble pops it in to the corner, and we're now looking for an injury time winner. Tinker goes close with a shot that's tipped over the bar, but we play out the 7 minutes of injury time, and finish with a point. Though it did feel like a win.
Revolution beckoned, blue drinks flowed, and Watford celebrated like only Watford can. Somewhere else.....
Match Day 1.5 Morecambe Away
Cast your minds back to 26th September 2007, and an away Carling Cup tie. Our team that day contained Ten Burners and Mrs Doyle from this season's crop of superstars. Old Trafford, 11,000 away fans and a Mifsud inspired 2-0 win.
Not going to be getting that sort of fun this year.
Ten changes from the Portsmouth game (Tinker, what did you do to upset the boss?) and our squad players go and lose 2-0.
Arson and Aidy obviously feel that we should be totally focused on the Championship, but part of me feels a little cheated. If we get promoted, then I'll forgive them. Otherwise, I'll remain a bit grumpy.
Onwards to Watford.
Not going to be getting that sort of fun this year.
Ten changes from the Portsmouth game (Tinker, what did you do to upset the boss?) and our squad players go and lose 2-0.
Arson and Aidy obviously feel that we should be totally focused on the Championship, but part of me feels a little cheated. If we get promoted, then I'll forgive them. Otherwise, I'll remain a bit grumpy.
Onwards to Watford.
Match Report 1: CCFC 2 Portsmouth 0
The season began with a visit from 15 blokes from the South Coast, 11 of whom were apparently professional footballers and had played in the Premier League last season, and 4 who they had found en route. Surprisingly given their financial situation they even arrived in a coach and not a mini-bus.
Our team showed a couple of surprises, with Dave Cameron making a debut at centreback and Mrs Doyle returning to add some bite to the midfield. Returning heroes Lee "I'll dominate the centre circle" Carsley, and the Chef himself made us all nostalgic for when we were a bit better, while a debut for Lucas King of Scrabble provided a focus for a potential long ball game.
Within three minutes, our new freescoring striker emerged, scuffing a shot from 4 yards out through the Pompey keeper's legs. Take a bow Freddy, a man who has succumbed to Aidy's mind games and rediscovered the form he had before he scored 12 in 91 games in a skyblue shirt.
Then it got all comfortable. Portsmouth defenders kicked the ball into touch a lot, passed badly to each other, and played through balls to Vivienne. Nobody passed to David Nugent (he played for England once), so he had a series of strops and tantrums to show how much he cared. And that bloke with the tattoos and the bell made a lot of noise in the away end.
Second half, Scrabble flicks on nicely, Tinker clips in a cross with "head me in" written all over it, and Freddy soars like a soaring thing to power in his second goal.
And that was about it. Apart from Utaka getting the loudest booing from his own fans that the Ricoh has ever witnessed. And Platt getting a home substitute debut, and getting involved a bit - jury is out on him still.
So, a good solid comfortable win against a team who will be in the bottom three come May.
What did we learn?
Freddy likes Aidy.
Carsley does a solid job but doesn't run very far.
Doyle still kicks people.
The Chef is in need of a run of games to rediscover his form.
Cameron looked very solid.
Keogh likes to get forward, cut inside and shoot.
Bell looked good again.
Scrabble was promising.
McIndoe must be leaving soon.
Onwards to game two.
Our team showed a couple of surprises, with Dave Cameron making a debut at centreback and Mrs Doyle returning to add some bite to the midfield. Returning heroes Lee "I'll dominate the centre circle" Carsley, and the Chef himself made us all nostalgic for when we were a bit better, while a debut for Lucas King of Scrabble provided a focus for a potential long ball game.
Within three minutes, our new freescoring striker emerged, scuffing a shot from 4 yards out through the Pompey keeper's legs. Take a bow Freddy, a man who has succumbed to Aidy's mind games and rediscovered the form he had before he scored 12 in 91 games in a skyblue shirt.
Then it got all comfortable. Portsmouth defenders kicked the ball into touch a lot, passed badly to each other, and played through balls to Vivienne. Nobody passed to David Nugent (he played for England once), so he had a series of strops and tantrums to show how much he cared. And that bloke with the tattoos and the bell made a lot of noise in the away end.
Second half, Scrabble flicks on nicely, Tinker clips in a cross with "head me in" written all over it, and Freddy soars like a soaring thing to power in his second goal.
And that was about it. Apart from Utaka getting the loudest booing from his own fans that the Ricoh has ever witnessed. And Platt getting a home substitute debut, and getting involved a bit - jury is out on him still.
So, a good solid comfortable win against a team who will be in the bottom three come May.
What did we learn?
Freddy likes Aidy.
Carsley does a solid job but doesn't run very far.
Doyle still kicks people.
The Chef is in need of a run of games to rediscover his form.
Cameron looked very solid.
Keogh likes to get forward, cut inside and shoot.
Bell looked good again.
Scrabble was promising.
McIndoe must be leaving soon.
Onwards to game two.
It was the night before the season opener, what does the crystal ball say?
So, we're just over 24 hours away from kick-off, and our pre-season optimism is at its peak.
Time to look in our crystal ball and make those Mystic Fan predictions.
Final League position: 6th
Points won: 76
Goals Scored: 68
Goals Conceded: 49
FA Cup: Fifth Round
Carling Cup: Third Round
Top Goalscorer: Lucas 100 points at Scrabble
Player of the Season: The Chef
Flop of the Season: Comedy Roadshow
Largest Transfer fee received: Vivienne in January.
Worst kept secret signing: Marlon "He's no" King.
PUSB.
Time to look in our crystal ball and make those Mystic Fan predictions.
Final League position: 6th
Points won: 76
Goals Scored: 68
Goals Conceded: 49
FA Cup: Fifth Round
Carling Cup: Third Round
Top Goalscorer: Lucas 100 points at Scrabble
Player of the Season: The Chef
Flop of the Season: Comedy Roadshow
Largest Transfer fee received: Vivienne in January.
Worst kept secret signing: Marlon "He's no" King.
PUSB.
Franky Larry
| Name: | Francis Laurent |
| Nationality: | French |
| Date of Birth: | 06/01/1986 |
| Height: | 6' 3" (191cm) |
| Weight: | 14st 0lbs (89.0kg) |
| Previous | |
| Clubs: | Mainz, Le Havre |
| Position: | Striker |
Southend United made a rare foray into the foreign market at the end of August 2008, with the signing of French striker Francis Laurent.
Laurent was plying his trade in the German Bundesliga Second Division last season with FSV Mainz 05 where he made six appearances. The 6ft 3ins tall forward's résumé also includes spending time in Germany with SV Eintracht Trier 05, as well as French outfits Sochaux and Beauvais. Laurent joined the Blues on a free transfer, after he impressed the management in a behind closed door fixture against Fulham, and scored four goals last season.
Season 2009 - 10
| Competition | Apps (as sub) | Goals | Yellow Cards | Red Cards |
| League | 28 (7) | 6 | 4 | 0 |
| FA Cup | 1 (0) | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Career History: | ||||
| Club | Season | Comp. | Apps (as sub) | Goals |
| Southend | 2008 - 09 | League | 10 (11) | 3 |
| FA Cup | 2 (1) | 1 | ||
| Mainz | 2007 - 08 | League | 0 (5) | 0 |
| Le Havre | 2005 - 06 | League | 0 (3) | 0 |
Up or Down? Or neither? Crystal ball time
Start of season optimism or pessimism?
Will we push for the play offs? Or will we struggle to find the right blend and go out of the league the wrong way.
Odds on winning the League - minimum 33-1
Odds on getting promotion - minimum 10-1
Odds on relegation - 5-1
So, the bookies have a clear view on where we are going.
Tony Cascarino though has tipped us today to be the surprise package of the division.
Hope that makes everything a little clearer. Currently we are in 5th position, looking safe for the play-offs.
What is the point of Rod Liddle?
For those of you not familiar with Rod Liddle, he writes for The Sunday Times and is a bit like half a Jeremy Clarkson. A Millwall fan who presents himself a bit like Danny Dyer's dad.
I've never liked the way he writes, or often what he says.
Anyway, he's tipping us today, indeed "fervently hoping" that we get relegated this season, as he doesn't like us. Good, my prejudice has been vindicated. Rod, just in case there's any doubt, I don't like you either. Here's hoping John Witherow relegates you at the end of the season as well.
Short trip down memory lane
Cast your minds back to March 2005, coming towards the end of our time at Highfield Road. It may seem like a different era, but it was only five and a half years and five complete seasons ago.
Today I stumbled across a programme from our home game on 12th March 2005 against Cardiff City. I very nearly threw it away, but then wondered who was in the team that day. I wonder, thought I, how many of the squad then were still on the books now?
We had one manager and thirty players on the squadlist on that Spring day. How many of the 31 are still with us as we enter our tenth season in the Championship?
Three.
How many have been with us without interruptions?
One. Take a bow Mr Isaac Osbourne. Michael Doyle went off to chase whippets, McChef went off down the A45 for a rest.
I know we've not had much of a settled team, but that strikes me as excessive to say the least.
Out of that 2005 squad, who could we have seen proudly stumbling around like a drunk at closing time?
In goal - Ian Bennett
At the back - Steve Staunton, Robert Page, Ady Williams and Dean Leacock
In midfield - Tim Sherwood, Neil "made of" Wood, Graham Barrett and Craig Pead
Up front - Trevor Benjamin and Eddie Johnson
OK, we also had Stern, Dele, Richard Shaw and Stephen Hughes, but there wasn't half some real rubbish playing.
On that basis, we've moved on in five years. PUSB and thanks to Arson Yarn.
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